CureSearch and 6 years

Dear Alyssa,

Where to start???  I have been planning for the last year for what is coming up in 16 days.  I have made it a point to remember why I am doing this and where I hope to get to because of you.  I am trying to make a difference like you asked of me.  I want to raise awareness but also money for a wonderful cause.  We need to reach our goal.  We need to raise over $15,000 for children's cancer research at the Honolulu CureSearch Walk on the 15th of September and yes it is the day after your angel birthday.  I planned it that way on purpose.  I need to stay busy, I need to have a mission!!!

6 years is a long time to not see your sweet face or hear your laugh or hold you in my arms or hold your hand.  If it weren't for this horrible disease  you would still be here and I wouldn't have to hurt or miss you so much my heart breaks.  I have tried to turn losing you into a positive and make a difference in your name but some days I wonder, am I making a difference, did I make someone else aware of childhood cancer and let them know it isn't rare? Do people care? Or are they so wrapped up in their lives and in themselves that if it doesn't affect them then it doesn't matter?  It is amazing how quickly it struck our family.  You didn't really act sick and they said it was only a Urinary Tract Infection...how did that lead to this?  People always say it won't happen to me and think that they are invincible and I used to be one of those people...but if you look at the facts there will be 13,500 parents that will hear this year the most horrible words "YOUR CHILD HAS CANCER" it is not something that you can take in stride it is something that will alter your very being, how you look at your child, how you look at something as simple as a bruise or a fever.  It changes the way that you feel.  It reminds you how precious life really is.  Do people stop and think about how precious life is? Are they thankful for every day when it comes to a close that they had the opportunity to experience life and all it's wonders?  Are they thankful for their children and the moments they get to spend with them or is it just another day?  Are they thankful for the healthy children that they have and that fear doesn't strike or that they don't have a panic attack each time the phone rings when their child is away from them? Are they happy to have peace of mind that their children are happy and healthy?

Sometimes I wonder why us? Why were we the ones to loose you? Why were you taken from us so young? But I guess the real answer is that you my angel were given to us to make a difference...you were put on this planet to remind people of the beauty of life...you were given to us to show us what true love is...you were given to your daddy and I for all too brief a time to shine a light on a community that is overshadowed by so many other causes...you gave a cause a voice...you gave that cause your mommy!!!!

I love you more than all the stars in the sky seen and unseen times infinity...I will miss you until there is no more breath in my body and I can hold you in my arms again!!!

Love always,
Mommy!!!

IF YOU ARE READING THIS BLOG PLEASE TAKE FIVE MINUTES AND DONATE TO THE CURESEARCH WALK IN HONOLULU BY DONATING TO ALYSSA'S TEAM AT THE LINK BELOW!!!

http://www.curesearchwalk.org/honolulu/alyssas_butterflies