Missing You

Dear Alyssa,

Yet another birthday has come and gone for you this one was one of the hardest that I have ever had to celebrate (7 here 7 gone).  Lucky for me I had your Nana and Papaw here to help me celebrate.  Nana and I went out to the cemetery to visit you and take you some party! We brought out confetti and now your little spot sparkles like the sun.  Very fitting for my little sunshine.  We also had dinner at Outback Steakhouse your favorite restaurant. It was good but would have been better if you were there with us.  Can't believe that you would have been 14 years old and it is even harder for me to believe that it has been 7 years since I have been able to celebrate a birthday with you.  We sure did love celebrating birthdays didn't we.  I miss baking cakes with you, I wonder if you would still want to do that with me? I miss being able to do our special thing together always your choice and normally it was going and getting our nails done. Either me doing it for you in the hospital or us going to a nail place and getting them done there.  We had a lot of fun.  I miss our girly days hanging out and having fun. I also miss seeing you hang out with your daddy. I wonder if you would still enjoy that, I guess by now it would be a little un-cool to hang out with your parents huh? I hate that I can't go into your room in the mornings kiss you on the forehead and tell you "Good Morning Sunshine time to rise and shine". I hate that there are parents out there that don't appreciate what they have in their child and the opportunity that they have to make a difference in a little person's life and that they don't see that they need to raise their children to be wonderful self sufficient humans capable of making a difference in the lives of others, helping them to become functioning members of society.  You my beautiful little angel I know would have been one hell of an adult. Making an major difference in other people's lives.  Your caring spirit and loving ways changed everyone that you came in contact with and I am proud that I had even  little bit to do with that.  I love you more than all the stars in the sky seen and unseen times infinity!  Miss you more than all the grains of sand on the beaches and beneath the waves times infinity.  All my love my beautiful angel!  I hope you had a Happy Birthday!!!

Here is my Birthday wish to you that I posted on your Facebook page:

I think of you daily but never more than on the day you were born. I am so thankful that I was given the opportunity to be your mommy. You changed me made me realize what true love is, made me understand what my purpose in life should be and what giving of one's self truly means. You showed me how to be a better person to care more for others than for myself and to always try to be conscious of the way I treat others. On this day of your birth although I only had seven to spend with u and the last seven without you I am thankful for the reminders of the celebrations we had with u, although never huge they were and always will be filled with love. I can't help but wonder what u would be like in your 14 years but unfortunately that is something I will never be able to find out. You are loved, you are remembered, you are missed incredibly. I love u more than all the stars in the sky seen and unseen times infinity. Happy Birthday my beautiful angel! I will see u soon if only in my dreams.


Thinking and dreaming of you always and loving you until the end of time!

Love you forever,
Mommy!