Rough days....

Dear Alyssa,

As you know rough days come and go...they come along and take you by surprise...they eat you up and spit you out...they are those days where you don't want to get out of bed, the days where you get up out of bed and sometimes wonder if you should have gotten out of bed at all...I hate those days, the ones that sneak up on you and grab a hold pulling you into some sort of vortex that you can't seem to pull out of...then in that moment when I think things could get worse I see your little face out of the corner of my eye, or hear your little voice in the breezes telling me mommy you can make it through today...you can make it through this...thinking of you!

Every time that life throws in a curve ball it always sends me spinning...it makes me wonder if I can make it through any more...and I wonder if I have made it through...I wonder if my number keeps being called because I am brave or I am just too stupid to turn away and say no more...then I think of you.

I look up at the clouds...remember like we used to when we wanted to be transported somewhere else...I see little pictures in the clouds...I see you your creativity...I hear your laughter...I feel your hand in mine...I see your little hand flying up....and your little voice asking mommy do you see it...are you here with me...thinking of you!

Today was a rough day...I got a glimpse of what it must have felt like for our families not being able to be here and feeling helpless...do you know how helpless I feel right now...do you know how badly I wish I could fix it all...make life better for everyone...find that peace...is there peace...is there a cure...always thinking of you! 

I love you peanut, shortie, bratnose...miss our little chats...do you hear it when I talk to you...do you know you never leave my thoughts...do you know that you are forever mine..that you are my sunshine...thinking of you!

Rough days will come and go...I know that you are always near...cheering me on telling me that it isn't so bad, even though in the moment it feels horrible...you are truly brave!!!

...THINKING OF YOU!!!

I love you more than all the stars in the heavens seen and unseen times infinity!!!!

Love always,

Mommy

#curechildhoodcancer #childhoodcancerawarenessmonth #kidsgetcancertoo

8 years

Dear Alyssa,

Seems like an eternity since I last held you in my arms, saw your sweet face, hugged you or told you in person I love you. It is hard to be without you...

Although I have been told "at least it has only been 8 years....at least she is in a better place....at least you had 7 years with her."  Well I hate to tell you but 8 years is way too long!!! What better place could you be than with your mommy and daddy who love you!!! 7 years was not long enough,  I want to ask them why don't you try only having your baby for 7 years. 

8 years it has been since I saw your sweet face...I miss you so much! Some people don't know how lucky they are to be able to watch their babies grow up and take on the world. I wish I could see you take on the world...I could see it my beautiful little girl taking on the world and winning making a difference. You would be one of these kids making research for childhood cancer a priority! I miss your spunk and attitude taken too soon from this world.

I love you my spunky little red-headed purple angel! I will love you forever and always! I love and miss you more than all the stars in the heavens seen and unseen times infinity! 

Love always, 

Mommy!

If I could have a lifetime wish,
A dream that would come true.
I'd pray to God with all my heart
for yesterday and you.
A thousand words can't bring you back,
I know because I have tried!

I miss your sweet face, I miss your sweet smile, I miss your wonderful laugh, I miss our snuggle time, I miss watching you grow up, I miss watching you learn, I miss listening to your stories about your day, I miss watching you sing and dance, I miss your hugs and kisses, I miss you telling me I love you Mommy, I miss cooking and baking with you, I miss our mommy daughter days, I miss our outings......

I JUST REALLY MISS YOU!!!

I LOVE YOU Alyssa Bailey Miller!!! More than all the stars in the heavens seen and unseen times infinity!!! I will see you soon and always in my dreams!!!!

#anotheryearwithoutalyssa

#gonetosoon

#curechildhoodcancer