Broken...

Dear Alyssa,

There are moments in a day where I think that I am completely broken and feel that way. There are moments in a day when I wonder what I have to offer anyone in my life. There are moments in a day where I wonder why people see me in a light in which I have no business being seen. Then there are moments in the day like today where I realize that it does not matter if I am broken or not. If I am completely in control of the day and my life or not. There are so many people in my life that love me the way that I am and do not run from what I perceive as being broken.

Then when I view the way that others see me and realize it, I look to you and how I looked at you and how you never let that your body may not let you do the things that you wanted. Then I think about how broken your body was but then I look at your beads and I realize that you overcame so much to just be able to do what you wanted. You were never broken and you never viewed yourself that way. You found happiness in the smallest thing in a day. Being able to take a walk outside some days was amazing. Being able to venture away from the hospital and all the things that happen in the hospital. I realize that being broken doesn't define who you are and what you can accomplish.

I am broken but I have people who love all the broken parts. I can accomplish anything that I put my mind to and I can make the most of what I have.

Thank you my little shortie for teaching me that being broken is not a problem but acting broken is a problem. I can overcome being broken if I truly want to and have. Being viewed by others as strong, resilient, amazing...is not how I have to view myself in order to thrive. All I have to do is honor the pieces that are broken because they make me who I am.

I love you more than all the stars in the heavens seen and unseen times infinity.

Love always,
Mommy