Night

Dear Alyssa,

What is it with night time. Some nights are okay I can fall asleep without any trouble. Other nights I lay down in bed wide awake for hours, waiting for sleep to come.  Some nights when sleep comes I have a dreamless sleep and other nights I have horrible dreams, dreams that relive some of the worst days and moments any mother could ever experience. Then there are the wonderful nights where the dreams are fantastic, they include you.  You are happy,  healthy and showing me something new or showing me something beautiful. I love those nights...those are the nights that show me that you and I are connected,  you are still a part of my everyday, my every moment. It is just as precious to me as the moments that I was able to share with you in your all too brief time here in our arms. If I were to ask you for anything it would be to have more of those nights where I have dreams of you happy, healthy and showing me something new or even the same things just so long as the dreams are good and with you in them. I miss u so much and I love you more than all of the stars in the sky seen and unseen times infinity. I will see you in my dreams angel.
Love always,
Mommy

One of Alyssa's Favorite books!

I posted this a few years ago on my Facebook page and thought that I would share it here!!! Everyone should like themselves!!!

Cleaning Alyssa's bookshelf...

So today I was cleaning and I was dusting off all of the books that were Alyssa's and I came across the one that we read when she lost her hair and I thought that I would share what it says with all of you!  Because I think that everyone should like themselves!!!!

The title of the book is " I like MYSELF!" By Karen Beaumont

The book goes like this...

I LIKE MYSELF!

 I'm glad I'm me. There's no one else I'd rather be.

I like my eyes, my ears, my nose. I like my fingers and my toes.

I like me wild. I like me tame. I like me different and the same

.
I like me fast. I like me slow. I like me everywhere I go.

I like me on the inside, too, for all I think and say and do.

Inside, outside, upside down, from head to toe and all around, I like it all! It all is me! And me is all I want to be.

And I don't care in anyway what someone else may think or say.

I may be called a silly nut or crazy cuckoo bird - so what? I'm having too much fun, you see, for anything to bother me!

Even when I look a mess, I still don't like me any less, 'cause nothing in this world, you know, can change what's deep inside, and so...

No matter if they stop and stare,

no person

ever

anywhere

can make me feel that what they see is all there really is to me.

I'd STILL like me with fleas or warts, or with a silly snout that snorts,

or knobby knees or hippo hips or purple polka-dotted lips,

or beaver breath or stinky toes or horns protruding from my nose,

or - yikes! - with spikes all down my spine, or hair that's like a porcupine.  I would be the same, you see...

I like myself because I'm ME!!!"

I hope you all enjoy it!!!!

Happy Birthday Alyssa!!!

Happy Birthday To You!!!

Happy Birthday To You!!!

Happy Birthday Dear Alyssa!!!

Happy Birthday To You!!!

Dear Alyssa,

Wow you would have been 15 years old today. It is hard to believe it seems like just yesterday you were placed in my arms for the first time. Looking down into that sweet little face. I knew then that I had never felt a love like that and it made me love your daddy even more.

This day always hits me hard.  I miss our little traditions in celebration of your birthday!!! But the memories flood back to me! I am thankful for the memories that we created together and thankful that Although I only got to celebrate 7 years with you that I was given the opportunity to be your mommy!!!!

In honor of your birthday I put together just a few of the memories and a little bit of our tradition!!!  Geez I wish I would have taken more pictures!!!

In order to celebrate we just need a few things!!!!

We need to call all your friends

Bake a cake

And don't forget the icing!!!

Put on your party dress!!

And your make up!!!

What is a party without presents?!?!

Need lots of EXCITEMENT!!!

And plenty of cake!!!

Maybe just a little more cake!!!

Time to Open the presents!!!

Blow out the candles!!!

Eat a little cake with friends!!!

And of course CELEBRATE YOU!!!!

Happy Birthday Purple Princess Angel Alyssa!!!  I love you more than all the stars in the heavens seen and unseen times infinity!!! And I miss you just as much!!!!

Happy Birthday from the Earth to the Heavens!!!!

Love always,
Mommy!!!

Kindness

Dear Alyssa,
I came to visit you today like I do most Fridays and I get to your little piece of paradise and there are flowers (fake) and confetti on your headstone.

I am always amazed at the kindness expressed by the people that visit the cemetery.  Not only are you surrounded by the most generous people on this planet, United States Veterans, who give of themselves by writing a blank check to the United States putting their lives on the line for everyone's freedom, you are also surrounded by the loved ones of those Veterans. Although it is never expected and I don't always know who leaves the little things that you would have loved like butterflies, flowers and of course the confetti which always makes me smile. 

It still surprises me that people take the time to do little things for you and that you are still attracting people to you, guess it is that "Alyssa Gravity" still attracting people too you.  It warms my heart to know that you are continuing to touch people the way you did when you were here with us.

I love you more that all the stars in the heavens seen and unseen times infinity. 

Love always,
Mommy

P.S. I want to thank all the veterans that have sacrificed themselves for us to be free...I would also like to thank whomever continues to bring the little smiles to a mommy that comes to visit her baby...I would also like to say thank you to all those that continue to share Alyssa's story, it warms my heart to know after 7 years people still think of her and want to tell her story.

Holidays

Dear Alyssa,
It is that time again and we are again celebrating without you. It sucks that this is what life has given to us to deal with but as always I am thankful for the memories I have of our holidays together. I was thinking today of our last Thanksgiving together baking a pumpkin pie with you making a huge mess in the kitchen and all of the help that you were on Thanksgiving helping to create our meal. The smile on your face while u helped with the pumpkin pie is one that I will never forget. I don't know if your love was for baking or if it was just being able to spend time with me in the kitchen. I loved teaching you things...especially to cook. The conversation that would come because of those experiences is priceless to me. I was always learning more from you than I think you were from me. I am and will alway be thankful that we were able to spend so much time together experiencing life. I keep thinking about the change in recipes with our pumpkin pie and you know to this day I don't make a pumpkin pie according to the directions.

Thanksgiving will always be my favorite holiday!!! I know it was your favorite too!!! I will always love u more than all the stars in the sky seen and unseen times infinity!!!

Love always,
Mommy!

Another angel, another angel-versary

Dear Alyssa,

I know that yesterday you were joined in heaven by another angel...I know that Meme finally made it to the one place she wanted to be for the last 12 years. Spending 91 years on earth leaving behind a legacy of 6 children, 18 grandchildren, and lots of great grandchildren. Meme was ready to go ready to join the love of her life and her oldest great grand-daughter and countless others that had gone before her. I was able to see Meme more than a year ago
. She was so happy to see me telling me that she didn't think she would ever be able to see me again. I am so happy that I got to see her and was able to get some awesome pictures of Meme and with Meme...many memories I will have forever.

Meme, Mommy and cousin Katherine

Meme

The only Great Granddaughter missing is you! From the Painter kids anyway!

I know that you and Grandaddy were there to greet her as she came through the heavenly gates and I am sure she was happy to see u both. We sure do miss u all so very much.

Needed u today as I am sure u noticed...came to visit and brought u flowers...had lunch and
needed some peace. I found some peace with you today.

Mommy, You and Auntie Dianne

Seven years you lived here with mommy and daddy, seven years you have had your beautiful angel wings, this year we would have celebrated 14 years. I know u would have been a fun teenager and we would have had a lot of fun together. Although I know you had to go I still can't help but miss you with every shred of my being. I have so many thoughts about u wondering how things would be different, miss those big moments in your life and always wishing for the little moments...like our lunches together, our pedicures, our arts and crafts times!!! I miss it all and am so jealous of those that have the opportunity to spend that kind of time with their kids and don't. Sometimes I wonder if they could get a glimpse into what it is like to watch their child fight for their life then maybe they would appreciate what they have with their child and make the most of every day.

I am thankful for the memories and pictures I have of you especially on hard days there is always a little smile from you that seems to turn some of those grey clouds into a rainbow.

I miss you my angel every day but even more so on your anniversary and days when we would have had fun together!  This week has been a difficult one knowing that we were approaching such a big anniversary. Hard to believe that just 7 years and 24 hours ago we were baking chocolate chip cookies in the new kitchen in our new oven.

I love you more than all the stars in the heavens seen and unseen times infinity! I miss you more than can be imagined!

Could you come back and stay a while
I want to hear your voice
And see you smile
I want to hold you tight
And never let go
And tell you how much
I love you so
~by John F. Conner

I love you Alyssa Bailey Miller!!!

Love always,

Mommy

Saying Goodbye and saying prayers

Dear Alyssa,
I hate saying goodbye...I know...I know..."Mommy never say goodbye" is what you would always tell me "say see you soon instead." It is hard to say see you soon and know that the only way you are going to see that person is in your dreams, if you are so lucky or if you have faith that heaven is where you will be reunited.  But if you are lucky like I am every time I see a butterfly I know you are close by.  I know that everyone has their own thing and some are closer to being able to see their loved ones than most.  You and I have always had a special bond my little shortie.  I know that no matter where I am you are not far behind even though you are an angel now.  I also know that you have been looking out for Uncle Fenton and Aunt Margie. I am sure that you aren't too far away from them in their time of need giving peace of mind and showering them with love.  I continue to hope that you stay with them and guide them through these rough waters.

I have been thinking a lot about you and your love for Uncle Fenton and Aunt Margie.  Uncle Fenton always watched over you in not only a protective way but with so much love.

The only people you ever felt comfortable with to leave Mommy and Daddy when you were sick.  You went with them without any reservations turned around and looked at your Daddy and I and said see you later I am going with MY Uncle Fenton and Aunt Margie!  You never left off the MY!!!

Take care of and bless your Uncle Fenton and Aunt Margie.  Love them in the hour of their need and give them the smile that only you can.  

"Time is too slow for those who wait,

too swift for those who fear,

too long for those who grieve,

too short for those who rejoice,

but for those who love,

TIME IS ETERNITY."

~ Henry Van Dyke

I love you more than all the stars in the sky seen and unseen times infinity!  I miss you more than all the love this world has to give times infinity!!!  I will see you soon my little butterfly, in my dreams!!!

Love,

Mommy